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Push and Pull

That is the object of powerlifting, the two forces. Push and pull. Sometimes it goes that way in general. There is a time for fight and a time for quiet acceptance. I am also finding they can exist within the same moment as my sight goes. I need to learn which moments to use my stubbornness and push, and when to pull back.

The letting go comes with not trying to see so hard, or hanging on to what is disappearing. My husband puts it as, not trying so hard to be sighted, but excelling at who I am. Fight for who I am. Pulling back from what I was.

I dropped a weight set while trying to see the clips instead of feel them or hear the sound of racking the bar. My central is becoming more affected but I used to be able to see the clips sometimes in my peripheral. I need to learn that it is ok to have a spotter, and to rely on my senses other than vision. There are many examples in my life where I need to learn its ok to ask for a little help. At times it's ok to do the things I can do, and do them damn well. I fight using my cane. I think it's because a part of me is giving in, only I am not sure to what. Maybe acceptance.

I am slowly learning when to push and when to pull. I think I will get a few brasses along the way, but I didn't become a lifter overnight. Even with that, I am still learning and growing each day.

Meat is frustrating for me, especially bacon and beef. I used to be able to cook it without help, but suddenly I need a bit of help ensuring its not burnt. I've been feeling dizzy as things disappear or suddenly zoom in front of me. We have turned it into a game with my kids just to make light of it for my sake. I have always been ok with my disability but I think I was holding on. It's time for a little acceptance of what I cannot change. Every athlete evolves. This just may be a different way of doing it. I suppose I am like the 3 lifts; learning the motions and above all figuring out how to not drop the bar. We are all so much more than a set of eyes.