Loosing weight is one of the hardest things I think anyone can do. To me it is 100% a state of mind, if you can't put your head in it, it wont happen. If there was a magic pill that you could take and the next day be skinny and happy then that sh*t would be flying off the shelf! For real though, how many times have you asked someone "how did you do it" like your hoping they are going to say something new and awesome thing that will make you skinny right away. I know I have.
Through out my life I seriously think I may have tried every weight loss gimmick out there. Pills, wraps, quick diets, lowcarb diets, seriously anything that meant I didn't have to work out and they promised weight loss I was in! Oh and I wanted my results like the next day, who has patience for results, and if didn't get them in 30 days or less, then I was out.
I also was fuuuulllll of excuse, excuses like; well everyone else is having pizza I want it to, or Lorne is eating it so why cant I, or I don't have time to workout, or it's to hard to eat healthy or my favourite - this is just the way I am I guess.
At our wedding 2009 I weighed 177lbs
Summer 2010 Around 190lbs May 2011 165lbs
To say I never felt comfortable was an understatement. I would 'Pin' and google non stop on how to 'Dress for your body shape' or 'flattering clothes for curvy girls' or anything else to hide or not draw attention to what I had going on. Anything to make it seem I was skinner without doing anything.
After our wedding I just kept gaining, slowly but always gaining. I was a TERRIBLE eater, anything and everything. Fast food at least once a week, takeout meals, bags of chips, I was a full on junk food junkie. Not to mention a crap ton of booze. Oh and I never worked out..like never.
After a holiday to Florida Lorne and I went on in February 2011, I was sick of feeling terrible and I started a diet and got down to 165lbs by May just by changing what I ate. I felt like I could and would never be skinner so when I hit that number I was done, and just went back to eating "normal".. so junk again.
Then in July I got pregnant.
When I was pregnant I felt fabulous, I ate everything in sight and I truthfully don't regret one pound...all 65 of them. I knew the chances of it happening again were so slim I just wanted to enjoy myself. I delivered a perfect boy 1 week early 7lbs 14 oz ..
I topped the charts here at 245lbs :0 ahhh trust me I know that number is ridiculous!
1 week before Penn was born
So the week after I had Penn I lost 30 lbs - it was super exciting each day watching the number come down, and I was feeling not to bad because I was like "oh half was totally Penn". Since I couldn't breastfeed (my milk never came in) I started a diet called "Charlies diet" 5 weeks after Penn was born. This diet consisted of their protein shake when I woke up, half a granola bar for a morning snack, a protein shake for lunch half a protein bar in the afternoon and a normal supper just not carbs. This was EXPENSIVE like $170 a week, and I was hungry and tired allllll the time! Obviously because I wasn't eating! How I did this diet for 5 months is beyond me now. Did it work, Yes. I lost 35 more lbs but this is totally not healthy annnnd your not teaching yourself to eat properly, so as soon as I quit it started to come back!
Sept 2012 ( the dress and positioning makes me look smaller about 180ish here)
So after Halloween things went south with my "diet", Christmas season was around the corner and it was just full on eating I gained about 5 back before our trip at the end of January.
Notice how I am posed in both pictures always trying to hide, look smaller and just embarrassed.
Mexico Jan 2013
Disney World end of Feb 2013
By the end of February I had gained 7 lbs back putting me around 188ish. Our family trip to Disney world I also had my breaking point. Lorne's brother & sister in law had Penn on the bus because we forgot his milk and had to run back to the room. We were going to miss the bus so Lorne and I had to run about 2 big blocks. I wanted to die, physically and mentally. I was so embarrassed. Lorne's brother Jeff and his wife Tina both are runners, like long distance do races & marathons runners. Lorne has played hockey and been an athlete his whole life and I could barley breath after two blocks of running, I was gassed!! I was just so glad Penn was a baby and never seen that. As soon as we got home I told Lorne I was done with diets, I wanted to order a tread climber. They were suppose to have good results and easy impact. I promised Lorne I would use it every day, it came within 3 days and we set it up that night, I have never been so nervous to work out. It had been a VERY long time since I did any physical activity. I did 15 minutes and was very sore and tired after but I knew I had to start somewhere. After each use with the tread climber I become more and more obsessed with it, I felt sore after every workout but my knees and ankles weren't throbbing.
Looking back -- ordering the Treadclimber was the best decision I ever made, Totally changed my outlook on everything & really showed me I can be fit & healthy!
Mid March 2013 Around 175ish
After that my husband had ordered a bow flex for himself to help rehab his shoulder (he had surgery on it the day after we got back from disney) I was scared to touch it and I was convinced protein powder and weights will make me bulky and gross with big muscles. Then another one of my bloggers I follow kept posting pictures of her at the gym and I thought...well maybe I could just try it.
I have never been so happy I did, after using the bowflex for a couple weeks I started to love it and then I wanted to incorporate free weights and any other type of circuit I could do. Everything I did I learnt how to by asking Lorne or just googling it, the information is out there to work out from home, you just have to look. Pinterest is a home workouters best friend!
May 2013 I hit 165lbs for a total of 80lbs lost.
The 80 pounds loss was my turning point again. It was when I was finally PROUD of what I had done. The number seemed so embarrassing still and I was cautious about saying it when people asked. Saying you lost 80lbs means it would no longer be a "secret" I gained it. That was until my one friend sent me such a sweet message basically telling me I should be proud, and their is no reason I shouldn't be. So I thought "screw it I'm putting it on instagram"
That is when my whole outlook on fitness changed. The kind messages my friends and strangers were saying were so nice! I just wanted to make myself accountable and was so scared people would think I was fishing for compliments but it really was liberating to just put it out there. So then to see all these nice messages truly melted me. It inspired me to push myself harder and to not give up!
First pictures where I seen myself change. 157lbs here
Doing the treadclimber AND lifting weights is when I started to notice results. Up until then to me I just looked the same even though the scale was going down. My clothes still 'fit' (I say that word loosley as they truthfully probably didn't really fit before I was just squeezing into them) so it wasn't super exciting until pretty much everything I owned didn't fit.
Then summer of 2013 I decided I was going to finally do it, I was going to RUN...outside...where people can see me. First I signed up for a 5k at the end of August, I knew I could only run outside on the weekends when Lorne was home and I wanted to make sure I had enough time to prep. Working out in public scares me and running which I have never done before terrified me! The first run was about 3.5km it was awful..I walked lots and was just gassed for air. Running is WAY different then a tread climber. My whole body ached for 3 days. Each run now I try to be better with my form and breathing. At first I was running on my tippy toes (thats wrong I guess haha) so now I run with trying to hit the middle of my foot. Then it was my breathing, everything I read says you should do nose breathing..but well that a whole nother story but just know I cant breath out of my nose. So I am still working on that as well as taking longer strides. I am doing 5km now in 33 minutes but still taking a few walking breaks so I hope to cut those out. If your wondering...I still don't 'love it' and I get nervous every-time before I go out. But I am not sore after my runs now and I feel great after each one knowing I did it.
* My goal was to run the whole 5km race and have a time of about 31ish minutes…I finished with a time of 31.16 Personal Best!
Right now I don't count calories I just eat 90% clean. I work out 6 days a week always with 15-30 minutes of cardio on the treadclimber (which I think is the cats a**) followed by weights - My workouts total take about 55-70 minutes depending on how many drink or sing breaks I take haha and of course what I am doing.
In September I did it..I hit 145 meaning I had lost a total of 100 pounds since the last day of my pregnancy! This was something I laughed at the possibility of hitting it and I did it..
At the beginning of 2013 this was me
And now a year later I am proud of the muscles I have built. I am proud of the way I did it, and most of all I am just proud to be living a better life.
Non of it has been easy, and their is no special drink, or pills, or wrap you can take to make you wake up one day and be 'skinny'. Because its so much more then that..I am healthy now, and active and I am just so excited to show Penn that you can live a normal life and still be able to enjoy it!
Now in a 6-8 I am not where I want to be yet but I am getting there! Thats what I found with fitness….there is not finishing goal number. I just want to keep doing what I am doing and try to be the best me I can be!